Money is not just paper. In marriage, money is trust, power, love, and security. That is why many couples who pray together still fight about money.
At Lifeboat Rescuing Church, Bariga, I have counseled many homes. The problem is rarely "we don't have enough." The problem is "we don't agree on how we handle what we have."
Here are 5 questions every couple must answer honestly — before money answers for you:
1. "Whose money is it — mine, yours, or ours?"
He says, "My salary." She says, "Our money."
When a husband hides his income or a wife keeps secret savings because "he will waste it," trust breaks. The Bible says "two shall become one flesh" (Gen 2:24). One flesh cannot have two secret accounts.
Tough talk: Do you have money your spouse does not know about?
2. "Why are we always giving to family members without planning together?"
In Bariga, a man gave his mother's rent while his children's school fees were unpaid. A wife sent half her salary to her brother monthly without telling her husband.
Extended family pressure is real in Nigeria. But marriage is leaving and cleaving.
Tough talk: How much have you given to family this month without your spouse agreeing?
3. "Why do we borrow to impress people?"
Borrow for aso-ebi, borrow for big birthday party, borrow to sow a 100-fold seed that a pastor promised will double.
Many couples are not poor; they are performing. They want to look blessed while they are bleeding.
Tough talk: Are we living on our income or on our image?
4. "Who decides how we spend — and why does one person always win?"
In some homes, the man decides everything and the wife just hears the announcement. In other homes, the woman controls everything and the man is a stranger in his own house.
Money without mutual respect becomes control.
Tough talk: When was the last time you both sat down, prayed, and budgeted together?
5. "Are we sowing our future away?"
"We will give this amount and God will give you that." "Touch not my tithe or you are cursed." Fear has made many couples give away their children's future in the name of faith.
God loves a cheerful giver, not a fearful gambler. Faith does not cancel wisdom.
Tough talk: Are we giving by faith or giving by fear and manipulation?
THE WAY FORWARD
Money problems are rarely solved by more money. They are solved by more honesty.
This weekend, sit down with your spouse — no phone, no shouting. Take a paper:
- How much comes in?
- How much goes out?
- How much do we save, give, and invest together?
- What do we both agree to stop doing?
Pray together: "Lord, give us one heart about money."
A home where money is discussed in the light is stronger than a home where money is hidden in the dark.
Pastor Edward Freedom
Lifeboat Rescuing Church of Christ, Bariga, Lagos.
Author: THE GREAT DECEPTION
