5 QUICK DECISIONS YOU SHOULD NOT MAKE IN YOUR MARRIAGE
In marriage, speed kills.
Many marriages did not die because of a big sin. They died because someone made a quick decision in anger.
Before you decide quickly, remember: Marriage is a covenant, not a contract you tear when you are upset.
1. DON'T MAKE THE DECISION TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE IN ANGER.
"I am going to my father's house! I am done!"
Many women left home in anger thinking the man will come and beg. He didn't beg. And that temporary leaving became permanent separation.
Many men packed a small bag and said "I need space." That space became a gap that the devil entered.
Proverbs 14:1 — "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her own hands."
Never make the decision to pack out when your blood is hot. Sleep over it. Pray over it. If you must leave for safety, let it be with counsel of your Pastor and parents, not a quick reaction.
Your matrimonial home is not a hotel you check in and out of when you are upset.
2. DON'T MAKE THE DECISION TO BRING A THIRD PARTY INTO YOUR BEDROOM FIGHT.
Every couple fights. But the moment you quickly call your mother, your friend, or post it on WhatsApp status — you have invited a judge who does not know the full story.
That your mother you called quickly will keep malice against your husband even after you have forgiven him. That your friend you told "my wife is lazy" will never respect your wife again.
Matthew 18:15 — Go to your brother first.
Settle it between the two of you first. If you need counsel, go together to a mature, neutral, godly counselor — not to someone who already hates your spouse.
Quick calls to outsiders multiply quarrels.
3. DON'T MAKE THE DECISION TO WITHHOLD SEX, MONEY, OR COMMUNICATION AS PUNISHMENT.
"I will not talk to you for 3 days, then you will know."
"I will not cook."
"I will not give you money."
"I will not touch you."
1 Corinthians 7:5 — "Do not deprive one another..."
Withholding intimacy, money, or words is not discipline, it is manipulation. And it opens your spouse to temptation outside.
Quick punishment creates deep resentment. Your spouse may not tell you, but they are storing that hurt and one day they will explode.
Learn to say: "I am hurt, I need us to talk tonight by 8pm." Not silent treatment for one week.
4. DON'T MAKE THE DECISION TO COMPARE YOUR MARRIAGE WITH ANOTHER MARRIAGE QUICKLY.
You scroll Instagram and see a couple traveling to Dubai, matching outfits, and you quickly say "See your mate! Why can't you be like him?"
You don't know if they borrowed clothes for picture. You don't know if they fought inside the flight.
2 Corinthians 10:12 — Comparing yourself among yourselves is not wise.
Every marriage has its own season. Your job is to water your own garden, not to envy your neighbor's garden that is filtered.
Quick comparison kills gratitude. And gratitude is the fertilizer that makes marriage grow.
5. DON'T MAKE THE DECISION TO SAY "I REGRET MARRYING YOU" OR FILE FOR DIVORCE IN THE HEAT OF A FIGHT.
Words are like toothpaste — once out, you cannot put them back.
Saying "You are a mistake," "I wish I married my ex," "Let's go and divorce" — even if you say "I didn't mean it, I was angry" — the wound stays.
Malachi 2:16 — God hates divorce because it tears what He joined.
Don't make permanent decisions with temporary emotions. Anger lasts for a night. A divorce paper lasts for a lifetime.
When you are very angry, tell yourself: "I will not make any major decision about my marriage in the next 24 hours. I will pray, I will calm down, I will talk to God first."
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:
When fight comes — and it will come:
- PAUSE: Don't answer immediately. Proverbs 29:20.
- PRAY: Go to another room and pray in the Spirit for 10 minutes.
- TALK LATER: Agree on a time to talk when both are calm. "Can we talk by 9pm after the kids sleep?"
- USE "I FEEL" NOT "YOU ARE": Say "I felt disrespected when you shouted" not "You are a wicked man."
- FORGIVE QUICKLY: Ephesians 4:26 — Don't let the sun go down on your wrath.
Marriage is not for perfect people. It's for two forgiving people who refuse to make quick foolish decisions.
Protect your home. It is your first church.
Pst Edward Freedom
Lifeboat Rescuing Church, Bariga, Lagos.
#MarriageWisdom #ProtectYourHome #LoveAndForgiveness
